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learning to live & living to learn

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SINGLE - Posted on FACEBOOK 11/28/11

the name's billy nava. n.a.v.a. i was born to a traveling woman from Mexico on the summer of 1989. i have four brothers. i'm the fourth one. growing up, i was too young to relate to my three older brothers. by the time the fifth one came around, i was too used to being alone that i kept it that way.

some may call this, shunning. so naturally, i'm a bit of a loner.

single.

i like to read whenever i travel. prefferably, stories of satire. and let me tell you something; i travel. a lot.

my hobbies include but are not limited to writting, exercising and meeting new people. i have some vices. i don't have addictions. if you're searching, you'll find me lost in my ipod. me, with my earphones hanging out the collar of my shirt. me, with my chestnuts. i'd be working on some playlist or something like this. a playlist to my novel. a playlist to some sport. a playlist to some relationship that doesn't go anywhere.

my cheap attempts.

if you time it just right, every moment can turn into a music video.

i paint. whenever i'm inspired. i say this, but really, i paint when i find the time to. as an artist, you organize your life so you get a chance to paint. a window of time. but that's no guarantee you'll create anything worth all your effort. you're always haunted by the idea you're wasting your life.

i know about HAARP. i know about FEMA camps. The WWIII in asia. "population stabilization". i know about the 3rd phase, israel. the fall of this empire and the rise of the next. the rise of monkeys doesn't sound so bad. zombified monkeys. so what else is new, right? i understand that america is one big shopping mall. i deal with this.

i'm 22 years old. a leo. i'm someone that may fail but won't fall. the kind of guy that waits but doesn't stall. blah. blah. blah. i'm trying to become a massage therapist. this i know, is bullshit.

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CLUB - Posted on FACEBOOK 11/19/11

there's no preassure here.

look, i want to dance. i want to grind. i want to move with it and match your style. i want to let go for once and just have fun. for once. so, come with me, with your fine self. come and dance with me. just dance with me.

when you can't get the music, take a drink. when you feel preassured, take a drink.

my favorite part is when some think i want to marry them. when some think, there's a van with tinted windows waiting for them outside. oh, the uninspired. so full of doubt and fear. my favorite part is when they realize how smart they are and wrap their arms around me and suddenly, "omg, i know this song!"

there's no preassure here. this isn't high school. let me say that again, high school is over. this isn't it.

when you have friends you have to look after, take a drink. when you feel like talking, take a drink.

and sure, i may never see you again. this only means we better make the best of it. get closer. get expressive. closeness is freedom. expression is freedom.

when you want to know where my car is, take a drink. when you want to know if my apartment is near by, take a drink.

fuck it, when you think, take a drink.

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GOD - Posted on FACEBOOK 11/14/11

they shout and stomp their way into my dreams and wake me up. i look around. it's early. early on a sunday. the sun rays that break trough the blinds heat me up and i'm angry at someone.

home is an apartment above a liquor store. next to a barber shop. next to a baptist church. home is a set in an ice cube film.

god. they hollar at the top of their lungs for you. they beat their drums and clap their hands. the walls are vibrating. god, i hope the building collapses onto them. deliver me from your deciples. deliver me from these fanatics. these lunatics. let me get some peace and quiet. because if it isn't the ambulances, it's the street racers. if it isn't the neighbors loud music, it's your crappy music. maybe god is noise and satan is silence, at any rate, shut the hell up already.

oh no, they do this every week. worshipping you on sunday because they think you rested on this day. tell them, that the day belongs to the sun. tell them that your crown of thorns are actually the sun's rays. tell them that it's all business and that spirituality has nothing to do with donations or symbols or sweat and noise.

i'm hitting the floor with a broom stick. they can't hear me though.

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GIRL - Posted on FACEBOOK 08/27/11

she's a beautiful girl, sure. hell, a whole lot of them are. they come by the dozen. but this girl, this girl right here i mean, she doesn't come by at all. she's the type you have to go  and search for. she's the type you go borderline stalker for.

hehe. ;)

she gives two shits about the whole mess of things and tells me, i'm starving. what's for breakfast, memo?

she goes for a run at nights and listens to grunge and likes that show beast wars and hates all the tranformer films.

"seriously, that director climaxed all over us and we just sat there and took it," she tells me.

she's packing my bowl up with blue dream. with pure cali. with maui.

she's a beautiful girl. you want to pick her up over your shoulder and take her somewhere. you want her laughter stored on your ipod. you want her to create a facebook, a twitter account, but you're sure as hell glad she doesn't. because this is the type of girl who isn't ineteresting to the interested.

she's nobody special, she tells me. "my looks will go away. i'll develope some kind of cancer. i'll get back pains and one day, my boobs will sag. i'm just here for the taking."

she finds me around and we create a world for ourselves and don't bother to apologize to nobody.

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BALLS - Posted on FACEBOOK on 08/06/11

there does exist a reality tunnel in which most of us can get out of. to this i say *burp. why be depressed when you can be happy? dumb when you can be smart? agitated when you can be tranquil?

"my problems are not your problems," they tell me.

i just shrug my shoulders. i say, "yeah, well, balls."

this is when they make a face. shake their heads. walk away. that's my answer for everything now. balls.

BALLS!

it doesn't make sense, i know. but that's the point. none of it does. drowning in guilt. thinking about what could have been done. what should have been done. maybe life could be spent better. maybe the past can stay in the past. maybe the answer is, there is no answer.

maybe balls makes perfect sense.

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BENCH - Posted on FACEBOOK 08/05/11

there's this bench i sit at. it's located in downtown inside the central library's courtyard. i wait there and look at people that pass by and i can't help but imagine their thoughts as they do. studying their movements and trying to make sense out of them. it's morning and the fog has not yet gone away. my coffee keeps me warm and i have a book to look at whenever somebody wants to approach me and ask me for change.

looking up at them, i ask, que?

sometimes i have money. sometimes i do. it really depends on my mood.

there's this bench i sit at, where i'm constantly surrounded by the noises made by trucks, ambulances, and metro busses. the air is heavy with smog and i get an urge for a cigarette from time to time but nobody ever offers one. so i offer to buy one off of them but they never take my money. they decide to give one to me instead. i say, thanks for feeding my addiction.

i'm sure that makes them feel a bit strange but they laugh with me anyway. one smoke reduces your life by fifteen minutes, you know.

this bench, where you'll find me at, it's cold and rough and sometimes wet.

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Limb King of Rainbows

  1. all i need - *****
  2. yes. i'm vulnerable. very. i have a hard time relating to others and i tend to step away from a gathering crowd just because i feel like i'm losing my identity. this is pretty immature, i know. but it's real. i'm being honest here. this song is for that one person that understands this mind set of mine. as unreasonable as it is. thank you for being with me. now let me walk away.
  3. wierd fishes/arpeggi - ****
  4. even if you're 100% percent right. even if i can't argue with you, i have to find my own way. i have to see for myself. i would like to be where you are and i would love to know what you know. but for once, i want you to feel this way about me.
  5. bodysnatchers - ****
  6. and i might just let it all out and try to make sense of these things. the beer will get me to speak it. but i hate how my words come out and i just want to say, forget it. it's nothing. i'm just being complicated again and it doesn't matter anyway. let's just not ruin this moment.
  7. lotus flower - ****
  8. no matter how much i care. no matter how much i want to stop you and say to you, don't gown down that path. i'm right here. really, i'll only be there for so long so the best thing i can do is try. see if we can make it work. if i truly cared, i would leave it up to you. and this means, i won't be seeing you anytime soon.
  9. separator - *****
  10. then i begin to wonder, if it was all in my head. the feelings that i have. the experience that i went through, was it all real? did it have meaning? i'm left here with all kinds of emotions because i'm so easy to please. i let it get to me.
  11. codex - *****
  12. i have to go back to that source within. alone and in the silence, i begin to remember who i am and what i'm all about. there are worst things than being alone. i'm my own escape from it. and even if it's for one brief period, i'm whole again. and i take on the next day.
  13. give up the ghost - ****
  14. i live my life. i live it the best i can. as different as i can. i think, if i can't get what i want, i can try to offer it to somebody else. anybody else. those who need it the most. i let go of my ego. my past. my fear.
  15. reckoner - ****
  16. and i find forgiveness. and it doesn't bother me no more. my weaknesses make me human. and i learn more and more of who i am and who i can be through them. i'm the creator of my life and i'm grateful for everyone's role in it. we're all in this together.

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October 20

i've been spending this whole month all over downtown, la. and i plan to keep doing this until i can pick up my hobbies again. i'm trying to develope my character, Skye Murdock some more and i wonder through the central library halls in search for inspiration. i take out as many albums as i can and download them to my ipod. i love music. they make my dreams stable. nobody knows i'm here but nobodies. i wish you join me.

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Like Her

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goodbye, leave a reply...

http://navamind.wordpress.com/

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