- all i need - ***** yes. i'm vulnerable. very. i have a hard time relating to others and i tend to step away from a gathering crowd just because i feel like i'm losing my identity. this is pretty immature, i know. but it's real. i'm being honest here. this song is for that one person that understands this mind set of mine. as unreasonable as it is. thank you for being with me. now let me walk away.
- wierd fishes/arpeggi - **** even if you're 100% percent right. even if i can't argue with you, i have to find my own way. i have to see for myself. i would like to be where you are and i would love to know what you know. but for once, i want you to feel this way about me.
- bodysnatchers - **** and i might just let it all out and try to make sense of these things. the beer will get me to speak it. but i hate how my words come out and i just want to say, forget it. it's nothing. i'm just being complicated again and it doesn't matter anyway. let's just not ruin this moment.
- lotus flower - **** no matter how much i care. no matter how much i want to stop you and say to you, don't gown down that path. i'm right here. really, i'll only be there for so long so the best thing i can do is try. see if we can make it work. if i truly cared, i would leave it up to you. and this means, i won't be seeing you anytime soon.
- separator - ***** then i begin to wonder, if it was all in my head. the feelings that i have. the experience that i went through, was it all real? did it have meaning? i'm left here with all kinds of emotions because i'm so easy to please. i let it get to me.
- codex - ***** i have to go back to that source within. alone and in the silence, i begin to remember who i am and what i'm all about. there are worst things than being alone. i'm my own escape from it. and even if it's for one brief period, i'm whole again. and i take on the next day.
- give up the ghost - **** i live my life. i live it the best i can. as different as i can. i think, if i can't get what i want, i can try to offer it to somebody else. anybody else. those who need it the most. i let go of my ego. my past. my fear.
- reckoner - **** and i find forgiveness. and it doesn't bother me no more. my weaknesses make me human. and i learn more and more of who i am and who i can be through them. i'm the creator of my life and i'm grateful for everyone's role in it. we're all in this together.
_UNTITLED_
learning to live & living to learn
Limb King of Rainbows
October 20
i've been spending this whole month all over downtown, la. and i plan to keep doing this until i can pick up my hobbies again. i'm trying to develope my character, Skye Murdock some more and i wonder through the central library halls in search for inspiration. i take out as many albums as i can and download them to my ipod. i love music. they make my dreams stable. nobody knows i'm here but nobodies. i wish you join me.
A Part of Life
i don't want to pretend this part of my life didn't happen. cause this part did. and i don't know if i should feel relief or sadness of how it all ended. you'd expect to find acceptence here. but you learn that depression can return from time to time. it don't make sense why others would make someone feel miserable for no reason at all. what goes around comes around. yet this person doesn't make it come around. this person just takes all the shit of life and bathes in it. this person doesn't want others to have it. hell, this person feels she deserves it. tell me, when you faught your teacher, did you ever think you'd come to meet me as a result of it? did you ever think it would get worse? unexperienced. insecured. selfish. that's who i was when i threw you up against the wall and began to take what i felt was rightfully mine. you were mine. and you loved it. this person looked at me like no other person did before or after. there were no hesitation in her actions. there was no doubt in her eyes. no fear in her heart. this part of my life did happen. and this part of my life ended. all that's left are the memories that i can't forgive myself for creating. the echoing of those fucking words i shouted out to you ring in my head... i don't understand why i write sometimes. i see the path i'm walking on and sometimes i'm facing my own back. and i tell him to not forget. i tell him that this ended a long time ago and that's just a part of the big picture. i scream, it's not the actual image! and then i see him turn around. his face is stained with exhaustion. and he opens his mouth and says, i come from where you're heading towards. i'm just stopping to ask for directions... then he passes by me and i continue this part of life over and over again.
Boom Billy Bye Bye
let's learn something for a minute.
galaxies contain not only stars, but clouds of gas and dust called nebulae. inside a nebula, you'll find hydrogen gas which gravity then pulls together into a large, spinning cloud over millions of years. the collisions which occur between the hydrogen atoms starts to heat up the gas in the cloud. and then once the temperature reaches 15,000,000 degrees celsius, nuclear fusion takes place in the core of the cloud. such tremendous heat given off by the nuclear fusion causes the gas to glow, thus creating a "protostar." this is the first step in the evolution of a star.
anyway, this is what i named my 1st piece...
and i'm sparking it like a true creator of the universe.
April 27
look, im wierd. im wierd. im wierd. im wierd, im wierd, im wierd. i feel like phun. i feel like im taking someone else's energy. oh, shit. what if? what the fuck if? hmm. calm down. hmm. theres so many lives out there. so many stories to tell. i've been around and about. it makes for a really good live storyteller. (D-.-)=D to tell a tall tale of sorcerers and witches, you must first know the details. like knowing the type of tree they would make a magic wand out of, which would be a holly tree. so their wands would be made out of holly wood. yeah, they make magic there too i guess. i'm bored.
To Want To Have To
i hope you like this song. i'm sure you'll tell me that you don't care. i hope you look up at the sky and see a ufo while you sit on your chair. then look down and you'll find me, so low under your glance. looking calm and listening to that song you don't like. maybe you'll join me on the floor where i smoke out these ants. i ask, why does she smile when she thinks? i see you shake your head off as if it the thought was too much. i want to know if you don't know these things. cause there's really no love without some lust. no feelings without emotions. no tricks without illusions. i want to say yes and agree but we argue over solutions. i want to toss you around and bounce you off the wall. just for one second, please, may you play with your imagination and forget about it all. there is this place that i don't know much about. i would like to go there. and i want to meet people that will say things that don't make much sense but sound like they care. i have no up or down. i need you to know what this means. it's like wanting to listen while you speak over me. it's like traveling to some other country and killing for peace. i want to play as well but know that i hate to want to have to lose. i want you make a face and tell yourself that was confusing. i have no explanation. i don't give them when i'm losing. know that all these things matter and that they really don't. i want you to ignore it all and maybe you'll laugh at them later but hoping you won't. maybe for now you'll feel the wind hug you and the sun bathe you. maybe for now you'll choose love over fear. asking yourself, why, out of all places, did he choose to be here? i see now expectations will get us nowhere outside of what's right or what's wrong. so here we are with nothing to do but to listen to this damn song.
